


In need of a father

by dmichelle312



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Conversations, Depression, Driving, Father Figures, Home Office, Hopeful Ending, Hugs, Jigsaw Puzzles, LLF Comment Project, Mountains, Other, POV First Person, Present Tense, School workbooks, Sobbing, Studying, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmichelle312/pseuds/dmichelle312
Summary: A young woman seek comfort in a father figure.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 2
Collections: (Twilight) Carlisle Cullen fanfics





	In need of a father

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Irhaboggles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irhaboggles/gifts).



> This story was written for cathartic and therapeutic reasons... because I needed to write this down.
> 
> Writing for cathartic and therapeutic reasons might help. Also, stories and poems written for cathartic and therapeutic reasons can still be meaningful and helpful to people aside from the author.
> 
> If the confinement and what you've been through in the past few years is driving you crazy, making you feel depressed or is affecting your health, you might want to try it too (see those articles on cathartic and therapeutic writing):
> 
> [Article 1](http://studybreaks.com/thoughts/cathartic-writing/)
> 
> [Article 2](http://wwwfeelingoodfeelingreat.com/2017/06/07/cathartic-writing/)
> 
> [Article 3](http://medium.com/@wildguppy/emotional-catharsis-in-writing-e467db96b6fb)
> 
> [Article 4](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK355724/)
> 
> [Article 5](https://www.dreamerswriting.com/books-about-therapeutic-writing/)
> 
> [Post](http://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/6qlcc3/cathartic_experiences_in_your_writing/)
> 
> Also, read my post in the review/comment section concerning the confinement, mental health and physical health, cathartic and therapeutic writing, etc.
> 
> Videos that inspired me when I was writing this story:
> 
> [Video 1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kKzgADVQbo)
> 
> [Video 2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BF7IXS06VY)
> 
> [Video 3](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=209h65flwPU)
> 
> Check out my playlist here (read the playlist description first):
> 
> [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzG_3q50DuPml2foHHEdPSS3B_SKXVgWN)
> 
> And check out my collection of nice art here:
> 
> [My DeviantArt collection](https://www.deviantart.com/mimi6682/favourites/86253999/twilight-saga)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or any of its characters, except for my OC named Jade.

I'm feeling depressed and anxious. After picking up a book and putting it down several times, I give up on reading the detective story I had started. For now. I am wandering the house and pacing back and forth. Every once in a while I pause and watch the rain fall outside. The Cullens' house is so quiet. My house too now. That's what they said. And I'm not in the mood to argue with them. They're my family now. Of course I'm glad I have a family like them. A lovable bunch who retracts when I need space, yet is always there for me whenever I need someone to talk to or to hang out with. And I know that Carlisle, who is a Christian and a person of faith just like me, always keep me in his prayers. The Cullens' house is so quiet now. No one is home except for Carlisle. The others are either shopping or out for a walk. I sit on the stairs, wrap my arms around my knees and rest my head on them. When I lift my head a moment later, I see that Carlisle is watching me. Such a kind sweet face. So much gentleness and compassion in his eyes. I jump when I hear someone play "Bittersweet Waltz" by Sir Cubworth on the piano. Edward must have come back. I would have heard him with my now enhanced hearing if I hadn't been lost in my thoughts and if I hadn't been so depressed. Carlisle and I listen to Edward's music for a while. Then he turn to me and give me a pale smile.

"Is something the matter, Jade?", he says.

"I'm not doing well today", I tell him.

"It's all right. You do know that it's okay not to be okay, right?", he said.

I nod.

"You want to talk about it?", he asked.

"Maybe later. Right now, I can't pinpoint what upsets me the most, put things into words, and sort out my feelings about the things I've been through", I reply.

"I understand. When you're ready to talk about it, I'll listen", he says.

"I know. Thank you", I reply.

I had been turned not too long ago when he found me. I was traumatized and depressed and it took me some time to get used to living with a new family, even though they were all very sweet. My father passed away a few years back and I miss him terribly. I had my mother and my sister, but I missed a masculine presence and a father figure in my life. I miss my mother and my sister, but I have Carlisle, Esme, and the rest of the Cullen family now. I still have boughs of depression because of everything I have been through. Like the abuse I suffered at the hands of other people, betrayal by some people I thought were my friends, mental illness, marginalization, loneliness, and years of suffering in silence. I don't know what I would do without Carlisle and the Cullens. I burst into sobs and of course there's no tear because vampires can't produce tears, so I'm dry sobbing. Carlisle says nothing, he just hold me until I stop crying, like any good father would do.

"I've got an idea. I have to catch up on work in my study, but you could hang out in there and read a book or make a puzzle. That way, you won't be alone and I will be right there to listen when you feel like talking about what upsets you", he says.

These last few weeks, I had hanged out in his study a few times He has a table and chair in there in case I want to catch up on school work or make a puzzle. When I had moved in and the family found out I enjoy making puzzles because it makes me feel calm and relaxed, Carlisle and Esme had bought me a big selection of puzzles in addition to my own bookshelves and a lot of books. I nod. He smiles. I follow him to his study and I sit at the table.

"What do you want to do?", he ask.

"I'll catch up on school work", I reply. 

He brings me my school workbook, a pencil, a pencil sharpener and an eraser. He smiles.

"Don't hesitate to ask for help if you get stuck, I'll help you", he says.

"Okay. I will. Thank you", I reply.

He sit behind his desk and catch up on work. I hear him typing on his laptop, writing, turning pages, and pacing a little. I also hear the sound of my pencil scratching the paper as I do english and geometry exercises and solve math problems. After about half an hour, I close my workbook and put my head in my hands. I think I've done enough school work for now. Carlisle brings me a puzzle and affectionately press my shoulder. For about another half an hour, I work on my puzzle. This puzzle has 300 pieces and according to what's written on the box, when finished this puzzle mesures 49 cm x 36 cm and it's made from strong premium grade cardboard. This 300 piece puzzle depicts a small house where a fairy might live with a roof made of a flower and is surrounded by moss. After about half an hour, Carlisle put his material away.

"It's been an hour now. I'm done here. I think I'll take my car and go for a little ride. Wanna come with?", he says.

"Why not?", I reply.

"I'll leave a note for the others", he says.

I nod. He write the note, we grab our coats and then we leave. He's driving around and I'm looking out of the window. His soothing presence make me feel a little less depressed. But I'm trembling from the emotion and I'm glad Jasper Whitlock isn't there 'cause this raw emotion would most probably hurt him. Carlisle give me an affectionate smile and I feel calmer. I give him a pale smile. I'm glad I'm there with him because in that moment, more than ever before, I need a father. He pull over, point and show me the mountains in the distance.

"Beautiful, isn't?", he says.

I nod. I take a deep breath and release it. We don't need to breathe anymore, but it still helps us to calm down nonetheless. I turn to him.

"Carlisle?", I say.

"Yes, Jade? I'm listening", he reply.

"My father was a drug-addict. The system did jack shit to help him. And now there are idiots legalizing very dangerous drugs when this should never happen. Mental health experts warn people that drugs like Marijuana, Cocaine and other similar dangerous substances cause episodes of Psychosis, Schizophrenia, mental health crises, violent and reckless behaviors, more road accidents, kids being harmed and killed by their parents during a drug-induced Psychosis and also, that drug legalization create more addicts and make drugs more easily accessible to teens and minors in general. There's a good article online entitled "Don't legalize drugs" by a Theodore Dalrymple. I'll show it to you when we get home. He has so many good points. Also, my father was found dead on his bed, there were pills, bottles of pills and bottles of alcohol all over his bed. My grandfather and mother found the body. My mother is still not sure if my father died of an overdose or committed suicide. The same system that legalize dangerous drugs, encourage people to self-medicate, create more addicts and then let those addicts fall through the cracks and leave them to die... failed my father and the fathers and mothers of countless innocent children. And some people had the nerve to tell me that I'm not progressive because I'm opposed to drug legalization and highly dangerous and addictive substances that destroy people's lives, mental health, families, and society. Also, all the money used to try and cure the addicts created by the messed-up pro-legalization system could be used to solve other important world problems like world hunger, homelessness, providing for orphaned children, building schools and hospitals and so much more. It seems to me that humans are on the path to self-destruction. The only way these poor humans can survive is if there's something that can force them to unite. Jesus help us all", I say.

"I understand how you feel and I'm sorry you had to go through all this", he reply with a compassionate look of understanding glowing in his golden eyes.

"If you ask me, Carlisle, you deserve a medal, the best and most shiny medal, because you put up with human stupidity and human self-destructiveness for like 400 years now. I honestly don't know how you did it, but I admire you for still being so kind and compassionate after all this, instead of being bitter and angry. There are days when I just want to lay down on my bed, stare at the wall or the ceiling and give in to depression and rage", I say.

"It's not all bad. Some humans have made a difference in my life for the better, just as I have made a difference in their lives for the better. We all have a part to play in the grand scheme of things. I like to bring healing and joy to their lives and they do the same for me and others in turn. When you feel like you're going to give in to depression and anger, and preferably before that happens, you can come talk to me if you need to. I'll give you a listening ear. You can also talk to Jasper and Alice, I'm sure they'll be happy to help", he says.

"I'm not sure it would be a good idea for me to ask them for help, especially Jasper. Not right now, anyway. It would make things more complicated. I think I'll just talk to you and Esme for now", I reply.

"Jade, what do you mean, complicated? Why does that make you nervous?", he ask.

"I'd rather not talk about that, right now", I reply.

"As you wish. If you change your mind, you know where to find me", he reply softly.

I stay silent for a moment, then I turn to him, hesitating.

"Carlisle?", I say.

"Yes?", he reply.

"Do you think that sometimes a person can have... more than one romantic soulmates at a time? Like do you think I might have two?", I ask.

"What does it have to do with Jasper and Alice? Why are you asking me this?", he gently ask.

I am not ready to talk about this with him or anyone else yet. Maybe someday, but not right now.

"Forget what I said. I can't talk about it right now", I reply.

"When you're ready to talk about whatever is on your mind, I'll listen. There's no judgment here, not on my part, and if it makes you feel better I'll tell you something I've never shared with anyone", he says, giving me a compassionate knowing look.

That knowing look. Does he know? Does he know about my feelings for Jasper and the thought I had entertained about making a compromise involving Alice? Am I really that transparent? I remember when I fell in love with Jasper for the first time. It was a few weeks after Carlisle found me. I was still a newborn back then. I remember thinking something that goes like this.

_"I hate feeling like this, I hate being an emotional wreck. I'm convinced now that this is partly because I'm a newborn, but me, having feelings for Jasper Whitlock, doesn't help either. You don't choose who you fall in love with, and you love who you love no matter how much baggage they have. I'm in love with this kind and beautiful man, but I don't know if he feel the same way about me, if he reciprocate my romantic feelings at all. Perhaps Jasper and Alice could be persuaded to try a polygamous marriage. I am bi and Alice is rather attractive and kind. I would never dream of separating Jasper from Alice or do anything that could hurt him. I could marry both of them, and we'd all be happy. Maybe we can try a polygamous marriage. Maybe we can make it work. Oh my God, What the fuck!? Did I legit just think that!? I've always been a one-soul-at-a-time kind of chick, strictly monogamous and have always loved the idea of having one partner for the rest of my life. And even if I was willing to make an exception for Jasper, I'm not convinced that Jasper and Alice could be persuaded to try a polygamous marriage anyway. Oh my God, what if Edward heard my thoughts? What if Carlisle and Esme found out that I considered trying a polygamous marriage with Jasper and Alice? What if Rosalie and Emmett found out about this when they came back (wherever they were)? I could never look them in the eyes after that. And I can't predict the future, but what if Jasper and Alice actually wanted to try a polygamous marriage with me? What would I say and do then? I'm feeling even worse now. More depressed and sad. Damn it. Jasper Whitlock is all I can think of, like in a big, fat, one track way. Why can't I think of anything but him? This is just so frustrating. And here I am pining for him. ou wouldn't be so kind to me, Alice, if you knew what I have been thinking and how I've been looking at your husband, and you to an extent. Or maybe you don't mind and you had a vision and just like your sweet husband, you're too sensitive to bring it up and you want to wait until I'm ready to talk about it. If that's the case, it's very considerate of you two and I appreciate it."_

I stare at my shoes for a moment and then I turn to him.

"You would tell me...? Really?", I ask.

"Yes", he reply.

"Maybe I'll talk to you about it eventually, but not now", I say.

"Okay. In the meantine, are you ready to go home?", he ask.

I nod.

"Carlisle, thank you for everything", I say.

"You're most welcome, Jade", he reply.

He tenderly press my hand, like a father who try to reassure and comfort his child. His eyes are full of kindness and compassion.

"Let's gome home, shall we?", he says.

I nod. He smiles at me and I return his smile. He turn the radio on and we listen to "Gymnopédie no. 1" by Erik Satie as he drive us home. The others are probably back by now and I'm looking forward to seeing them and spending some time with them. I am so glad I have a family like them.

\- End -

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this story.
> 
> Here's the article mentioned in my story:
> 
> ["Don't legalize drugs", by Theodore Dalrymple](https://www.city-journal.org/html/don%E2%80%99t-legalize-drugs-11758.html)
> 
> And here's another good article:
> 
> ["Why I love Jasper..." by Alice Cullen Hale](https://aminoapps.com/c/twilight-saga/page/blog/why-i-love-jasper/qWWp_M2CRudNGXXon8a4z0MGv5KR4kWvZB)
> 
> Like I said before, folks, I'm going to write more stories in the upcoming months. If you want to be notified when I post new works, subscribe to me on AO3.
> 
> Also, see this (and leave me some feedback/con-crit please):
> 
> [Long Live Feedback Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject)


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